I Don't Need A Man's Permission (and neither do you)
For centuries, men have tried to use the Bible to promote misogynistic agendas. Here's where all their arguments fail.
Debates over the role of women in churches, religion, culture, society and government have been raging for centuries. They are neither new nor are they limited to America. While women around the globe are making greater and greater strides into governance and leadership in both secular and religious spheres, those strides have come at a cost. In 2000, there were only 12 female heads of state governing countries around the world, but by 2010, that number had more than doubled to 26. In 2025, however, that number has actually fallen once again to near 2000 levels, with only 14 of the 195 countries recognized by the United Nations being led by women.
While the separation of Church and State is one of the fundamental principles of the United States government, that does not mean that individual politicians leave their personal beliefs at the door.. Nor should it. The reality of democracy and a representative government is that we elect representatives to carry out the will of the people they are elected to represent. Therefore, if the majority of people in a given state are deeply religious, then voting according to those religious beliefs is in fact doing the will of the people that elected that politician.
So, the separation of Church and State was never meant to keep religion out of government in its entirety. There is, however, a crucially important element to the separation of Church and State that benefits everyone, particularly women. What the separation of Church and State actually means is that laws cannot be passed simply on the basis of lawmakers deciding that something is “God’s will” or that it is “Biblical.” In reality, there is no such thing as a true Theocracy, there is only a system of government in which men chalk up their own desires to “God’s will.” A true Theocracy would literally be one in which God was the only ruler, not a man or group of men claiming to speak for Him (Or Her/It/Them).
In the United States it is not the Bible that laws are held up to in order to determine whether they are just or not, but the Constitution. Although religious groups may work to get laws passed that are in keeping with their religious values and have worked hard to stack the Supreme Court with Justices that they hope will rule according to their personal religious beliefs, at the end of the day, they are still bound by the Constitution, not the Bible.
While that may seem like a small thing and of little comfort, it is actually far from a small thing. It is huge. It’s the very reason why women in America have so many freedoms that religious groups would love to see us deprived of, and often do, in spite of those women’s civil rights. Just because the law says you can have a bank account, doesn’t mean your husband (or church) will let you. Sadly,. too many women allow themselves to be deprived of their civil rights by religious leaders. Altnough in some cases, it is becasue they were purposefully sheltered from childhood to ensure they would never know in the first place that they even had those rights.
Many people may be aware of the fierce debate taking place recently in the Sourthern Baptist Convention (SBC). While not a denomination in and of itself, the SBC is the world’s largest Baptist organization and the largest Protestant organization in the U.S. It is second in size in the U.S. only to the Catholic Church. Which is to say, it is a very powerful religious organization, both in the U.S. and the world.
While this has not always been the case, the SBC has begun taking a firmer and firmer stance within the last few decades on the position that women should not be allowed to speak, teach or preach in their churches. They have even begun “disfellowshipping” churches that have had the audacity to defy them by ordaining women as pastors. Perhaps the most notable of these is Rick Warren’s 30,000 member Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA (currently led by Andy Wood, following the retirement of Rick Warren.)
Numerous books have been written and literally millions of collective hours have been spent debating and arguing the role of women in the church and whether or not they should be allowed to speak, teach or lead in the church. What I find highly ironic about this is that over and over, the only justifications ever used to prohibit women from speaking, teaching or leading in the church come from Paul, or his disciple Timothy, not Jesus. This is ironic because theoretically, the term “Christian” means “follower of Christ”, not “follower of Paul.” Which means that what should be most important is not what Paul taught but what Jesus did. In my opinion, however, the mose important question, however, is, who is MAN to decide that?
Just so you know, religious leaders of the day also questioned Jesus’ “right” to speak, teach or lead.
Needless to say, in Jesus time, they didn’t have seminaries, colleges or universities, but they did believe in education and in the subsequent “credentials” implied by learning from a certain teacher. In a time when there were few tables and chairs, a disciple would “sit at the feet of” a certain Rabbi and learn from them. Then, when you went out to lead or teach, people would ask you who you “studied at the feet of”, or who you were a disciple of. This was similar to asking someone where they got their degree.
Then, as now, your credentials or qualifications were considered of paramount importance. Only problem is, Jesus didn’t “study at the feet of” anyone. Therefore, he was considered by the religious elite to not have any credentials or, more acurately, to not have the stamp of approval of one of their own. But Jesus clearly didn’t need the “stamp of approval” of a famous or established Rabbi or the religious elite to gain a huge following. Just as it would today, this angered the elite. Not only did Jesus have followers, he had disciples. He wasn’t just preaching or teaching and going on about his merry way, he was indoctrinating people into beliefs and ideas that were contrary to those that the religious elite promoted in order to secure and maintain their power. The same way so many do today.
And this is why any arguments against women teaching, speaking or leading always come from the writings of Paul or one of Paul’s disciples, not the accounts of the actions of Jesus himself.
In Luke chapter 10, Luke recounts the story of Jesus visiting two women, Mary and Martha.
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Now, as a person who literally lives in this time, Luke would have known full well what it meant to “sit at the feet of” Jesus and where does he say Mary was?
She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.
This made Mary a disciple of Jesus (who had far more than just twelve.). Now, Martha does exactly what women of that time (and today) were expected to do. She hotfoots it to the kitchen and begins preparing a meal. Remember, this is long before the time of food processors and microwaves, so preparing a meal was extremely labor-intensive. Even more so if you had guests, because you had more mouths to feed. Remember, she couldn’t just make a big meal ahead of time and pop it in the freezer for unexpected guests. There were no refrigerators, no grocery stores and no prepared foods, so almost everything had to be prepared from scratch.
It’s not surprising that Martha is exasperated with Mary for loligagging on the floor in front of Jesus rather than helping out in the kitchen, but when she complains to Jesus about it, does Jesus scold Mary? No. He said “Mary has chosen what is BETTER, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Keep in mind, this was at a time when women were not considered worthy of education, which is still true to this day in many countries in that region. While Israel may be very progressive in its views towards women today, at the time, it was culturally almost exactly like modern-day Afghanistan living under Taliban rule or Saudi Arabia. At that time, married women were often not allowed to leave their homes and they certainly weren’t allowed to sit at the feet of men to learn.
And yet, that’s exactly what Mary did and Jesus praised her for it. Now compare that to the beliefs of “trad wives” and what they believe their role is supposed to be. Sounds like Jesus had other plans for women.
While there is so much more I could say on this topic (honestly, I could write a book, but I don’t need to because so many have been written already) what it really boils down to is this:
I don’t need a man’s permission.
If I feel called to speak, teach, preach or lead, that is between me and GOD. Whether or not I should do that is not for a man to decide! While men can certainly decide I am not allowed to speak or teach or preach in “their” churches (and are they really THEIR churches?) don’t you think that “preaching the gospel” in a church is literally the epitome of preaching to the choir? The Bible says to go out in all the world and preach the gospel, nowhere does it ever say to “invite your friends to church.”
What is always missing from all of the many arguments for and against why women should or should not be “allowed” to speak, teach or lead, is why MAN feels it is his RIGHT to decide this (i,e., speak for GOD) in the first place! It’s one thing to decide for yourself what you believe God’s will is, it is another thing entirely to have the audacity to think you have the right to decide for an entire group of people what God’s will is for THEM!
It is absolutely ironic that one of the primary objections to women speaking, teaching or leading comes from 1 Timothy 2:15, which says:
11 A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[b]she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women[c] will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
Again, there are many, many books breaking this passage down and showing how it was (likely purposefully) mistranslated and misinterpreted, but in common lay terms the argument is always that “women should not have authority over men.”. And believe it or not, I agree with them. But here’s the problem.
Their argument is that women should not be allowed to preach or be ordained because women should not have authority over men. Which clearly implies that they believe that the act of preaching or teaching the Bible in general gives you authority over others. It’s what is often referred to as “spiritual authority.” Only problem is, it doesn’t exist. It’s literally why religious leaders conspired to execute Jesus. Because he was undercutting their “authority” by debunking the notion of “spiritual authority” in the first place.
It is hugely ironic that the very nature of Christianity, the act of “becoming a Christian” (although they have a wide range of terms defining how this happens, including “asking Jesus into your heart” or “being washed in the blood”) is that once this “thing” (whatever it is) happens, we are “indwelt with the Holy Spirit” which means we basically establish a direct connection to God. That means we no longer need an “intercessor” (pastor or priest) to speak to or for God for us. We can just speak directly to God and God to us.
I don’t need a MAN to give me permission to do anything, because I don’t need a man to speak for God.
I don’t need a man (or anyone else) to tell me how to worship, walk, talk, act, think or “live out my faith.” That is between me and God. So yes, I agree that women should not have authority over men, but the problem is they absolutely think men should have authority over women, and that is where we absolutely and adamantly disagree. But it’s okay. I don’t need to waste a single ounce of my breath fighting or arguing with them, because…
I don’t need their PERMISSION or their APPROVAL.
Sadly, I think this is why the number of female heads of state around the globe has actually fallen. Because try as we might, it is so hard to break free of the idea that we don’t just need the permission of men, we need their approval. This is not just an American phenomenon, this is global. We are indoctrinated from almost the moment we exit the womb to worship, obey or at the very least, seek the approval of men. While different women are indoctrinated into this idea to differing degrees, it is an idea that has been so deeply implanted and culturally reinforced in so many different ways that it is nearly impossible to shake lose or set yourself free of. I would know, it took me nearly a decade of struggle and I can still feel the pull on a regular basis.
It is a strange irony that great leaders almost always have to go through a time of very low approval ratings before they gain the trust of those they lead. It is part and parcel of the job. I believe that women often fail not because we are not up to the task, but because we burn out so much more quickly because we have this additional intellectual burden that men simply do not have. We have spent so much of our lives being conditioned to care deeply about the approval of others, and particularly men. It is so deeply ingrained in us that it is very nearly pathological.
We can’t simply let go of that need when it comes time to make the tough calls and hard decisions. Eventually, the constant battle between doing our jobs well and desperately needing people’s approval just gets to be too overwhelming and we burn out quickly. Other women see this and watch the hell we go through and simply decide not to be the next to step up. Rather than each woman widening a doorway for other women, every woman that burns out discourages other women from even trying.
Our greatest enemy, our biggest obstacle, is not men or the opinions of men, but our own beliefs about their opinions. We give them far more weight than we should.
I deeply and fully believe in the capacity of women to lead and their giftedness to do so, but the biggest obstacle to doing this is in our own mind. We have to stop believing that we need either men’s permission or their approval.