What "Under The Banner Of Heaven" Got Exactly Right About Patriarchy
It's not surprising Mormon men are offended by UTBOH, because it paints a far more accurate picture of patriarchy than they - or any patriarchal culture - wants to face.
It really should come as no surprise that predominantly white LDS men are having a hissy fit about how they have been portrayed in Under The Banner of Heaven. After all, it doesn’t exactly show them in the most flattering light. Then again, glaringly bright lights tend to be uncomfortable. What’s interesting is that a number of people who have grown up in other patriarchal cultures also identify very strongly with UTBOH, and that is what both the actors and the show’s creators got exactly right.
The problem with patriarchy is that it can be difficult to pinpoint the exact damage it causes. Through the centuries, patriarchy has gotten very good at painting a beautiful image of itself. The reality of patriarchy is a world of smoke and mirrors. It appears to be a sparkling crystal cathedral, from which dragons appear only briefly to scorch the earth and vanish, leaving you wondering if you simply imagined it all.
After all, LDS men (like most highly religious men) theoretically don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t gamble, don’t cheat on their wives and are good, strong “family men.” By far the majority of Mormon men in Utah have white collar jobs with good salaries on which they can support their stay-at-home wives. They are, in fact, the perfect epitome of everything a "good Christian man” is supposed to be, and Utah is the basically the picture-perfect Christian utopia, so what is the problem?
What makes UTBOH so brilliant is how cleverly it exposed how very mundane the most insidious aspects of patriarchy are. They slide right past the attention of most viewers, largely because the real evil happens behind closed doors. If you pay attention long enough, however, it will explode suddenly out in public before vanishing just as quickly. But most people don’t pay attention that long.
Patriarchy is, in many cases, much like the world of Harry Potter; where normally hidden destroyers can appear quite suddenly in the world of muggles, creating chaos and destruction before suddenly vanishing. The big difference, however, is that there is no Ministry of Magic to follow behind and repair the damage. The damage remains and is very, very real. For those affected by it, healing can take years and sometimes even decades. There may, however, be an army of lawyers that follow behind to make sure the truth remains hidden and the image of perfection remains intact.
While this particular show happened to expose patriarchal Mormonism, this same situation could play out in almost any small town in the Bible Belt of America and even some smaller communities within large cities. Here are five things UTBOH got exactly right about patriarchal culture.
Men are the unquestioned ruler of the home
Life is fraught with all kinds of complications and challenges, which men and women handle best when they work together as a team. But Mormon women, as with most patriarchies, don’t get a husband when they get married, they get another father. That’s what a patriarch is.
When women don’t have an equal voice in their relationships, they are perpetually relegated to the role of a child and are treated exactly as such in patriarchal cultures. While they may or may not say the actual words, the underlying attitude of the patriarch is always one of “don’t you worry your pretty little head about this, daddy’s got this.” Meanwhile “daddy” may piss away your life’s savings, rape your daughter or decide he’d like another wife and there’s literally not a damn thing you can do about it.
The more patriarchal the culture, the LESS safe women and children are
Men absolutely love to perpetuate the image of themselves as protectors and providers. The question that never seems to get asked, however, is who exactly do women and children need protection from? Bears? Wild packs of wolves? By far the greatest threat to women and children on this planet is men. So, if men are the “protectors” who is protecting women and children from THEM?!
There is literally no place women and children are less safe than in a patriarchal culture, as UTBOH does a brilliant job of exposing. When the good LDS bank manager sees Ron beating the crap out of Dianna in their car, he simply dismisses it as a “domestic dispute” and looks the other way. In fact, the reason Ron was even beating Dianna in the first place was because she had written to the Prophet asking for help with her husband and the patriarchy just diverted her letter right back to the local patriarchal leadership, who then told her husband about it!
Instead of protecting her or helping her, the patriarchy protected her husband. In patriarchal culture, the bro code is very, very real. As much as patriarchs want to pretend that they protect women, they don’t, they protect themselves. Even worse, they orchestrated trapping a woman and her children in a house with a now very angry man, making her even more vulnerable.
Another chillingly accurate scene is when Diana and Matilda are at the gas station trying to get away from Dan and are screaming for help. Not a single one of the many onlookers (several of which are men and boys) comes to their aid or rescue. Every single one of them looks the other way. There may literally be no more accurate picture of patriarchy than that.
And let’s not forget that lovely scene when Ron informs Matilda that he will be having sex with her daughters and taking them as his wives. What exactly is she supposed to do about that? Go to the Bishop? We saw where that gets you with Dianna. Go higher up, to the Stake President’s wife? Turns out that in patriarchal cultures, even women protect the patriarchy. Women in patriarchal cultures quickly find out that reaching out to another woman for help usually just ends up with a lot of platitudes to “try harder” and even worse, often ends up with their husbands finding out.
What about the police? Well, as the show beautifully demonstrated, when even the police are part of the patriarchy, what do you think they are going to do?
Patriarchy doesn’t protect marriages, it destroys them
Patriarchal religious cultures love to talk about the “sanctity of marriage” but women quickly find out there are multiple parties in their marriage. Although couples have always married into entire families, women that marry into religious patriarchies also marry into a church that embeds itself directly into the middle of marriages.
While the Bible does direct wives to submit to their husbands, the reality of what the Bible suggests is also far more complicated than the picture religious patriarchy always wants to paint. That encouragement is almost always expanded in patriarchal culture to become a directive for women to be submissive to any and all men as well. When women start to “stray from the fold” the patriarchy applies pressure to men to bring their wives back into line.
As UTBOH clearly shows, however, wives can also be used as pawns to bring errant husbands back into the fold. What’s very interesting (and spot-on accurate) about UTBOH is that when Brother Pyre begins to question the patriarchy, it his wife that makes it very clear that there will be no straying from the fold. Particularly after having received a recent re-grooming into patriarchal culture by the couple’s Bishop.
What is particularly interesting about this dynamic is that earlier in the series, Pyre makes a unilateral decision that their girls are not to be baptized as the couple had planned. There are so many masterful elements in the exchange that follows that are so beautifully executed that they can be easily overlooked. It is also critically important that they are not.
It is quite clear that Rebecca is strongly opposed to this decision, yet Pyre asserts his authority as the “priestholder” of the home. What’s interesting is that while he is asserting his “authority” it is certainly not as a man who is confident in that authority. Rather, Pyre does so (as is all-too-often completely accurate) almost as a petulant child. One might almost imagine him stomping his foot and saying “you have to obey me.”
What is spectacular about the casting of Andrew Garfield in this role is that he is not the “manliest of men” as the Lafferty men are, with their long hair and thick beards, but is still expected to play the same commanding role as them none the less. The truth is, a man like Andrew Garfield trapped in patriarchal culture would probably be far more comfortable discussing things with his wife than making unilateral decisions, but there is no room for such dynamics in patriarchy. The rules are rigid and must be upheld.
Once he claims his authority, however, not only does his wife acquiesce, she even initiates sex with him. What is so artful and masterfully portrayed about this scene, however, is the presentation of Rebecca’s struggle to kill her own desire in order to submit to her husband’s command.
Those living under patriarchy would view this as affirmation that patriarchy is good and healthy and right. Only those who have escaped the patriarchy or never truly lived under it in the first place can see it for what it really is: a perfect picture of the twisted sickness of patriarchy. One in which women ruthlessly kill every one of their own wants, wishes and desires in order to acquiesce to their patriarchal jailer.
Once they do that, they no longer see freedom as desirable, but will protect the sanctity of their jail cell - and their jailer’s role - at all costs. What’s even worse, however, is that they will then turn and encourage other women to kill their own wants, wishes and desires to stay in the jail cells that are their relationships as well.
Perhaps the most important picture of the outcome of patriarchy is that of Ammon and Doreen Lafferty. After years of patriarchal abuse, the matriarch of the family, Doreen Lafferty, becomes every bit as sick and twisted as her husband. Even when Ammon passes on, Doreen simply steps in and takes over his role as abuser.
While patriarchy may exist on a spectrum, it all feeds into each other
What UTBOH makes very clear is that Brenda comes from a very different brand of Mormonism than the Lafferty clan. At least, that is what they’d like you to believe. Numerous LDS have watched UTBOH and remarked how it bears little resemblance to the faith that they practice. But is it really so different? Brenda was obviously raised with very different ideals about marriage and relationship, since she hoped to go on working after she got married. But were Brenda’s parents and the Lafferty’s really as different as Mormons would like to believe?
When we first meet the Lafferty clan, they are exactly what all the “best” Mormon families appear to be. One big, happy family; all sunshine and smiles. But that, in and of itself should be a clue to anyone who is paying attention. There is no such thing as the perfect family.
While UTBOH shows some very clear red flags right from the get-go, they are exactly the sort that anyone raised in a patriarchal culture would be primed to overlook. Although Brenda may have been raised in a more lenient LDS environment, with parents who may have had a slightly more egalitarian relationship, she is the epitome of the phrase “like a sheep to the slaughter.” In other words, she has been raised to believe, like all women growing up in patriarchy, that men will protect her. In that world, there is nothing safer than a great big tribe, protected by numerous men.
No matter what the patriarchy wants to believe or portray, however, women are safest when they are taught to protect themselves and given the tools necessary to provide for themselves as well. Contrary to patriarchal beliefs, this does not actually mean women will simply refuse to mate with a man, it simply means that when they do, those relationships tend to be more successful and satisfying for both men and women. Perhaps most importantly, however, they are safest for women and children.
What I find very interesting is the picture of relationship that UTBOH creates, versus the realities of the relationship between a young Michelle and Barack Obama as portrayed in Showtime’s The First Lady. While there are certainly dramatic licenses taking with the storyline, it is most likely true that Michelle was initially Barack’s boss.
What is also certainly true, however, is that Michelle did not marry Barack because she felt she needed a man to support her; nor would she ever be concerned that leaving him would leave her incapable of supporting herself and her children. Rather, the way in which her parents raised her made her capable of marrying for one reason and one reason only - because she genuinely and truly loved the man she was marrying.
Contrary to patriarchal beliefs, strong powerful women do not create weak men, nor do they diminish the power of a marriage. If anything, they create much stronger marriages because they are true partners. I would personally argue that they have perhaps one of the most successful relationships on the planet and it is not because Michelle was raised to be incapable of existing without a man.
When a woman not only knows she has the means to support herself if the relationship goes south, but also the confidence to do so, she is less likely to tolerate abuse. The more women are raised to believe they need a man to provide for them and protect them, the more likely they are to end up quietly enduring abuse because they don’t believe they have any other option. One way or another, Brenda was raised to believe she needed a man, or men, to support and protect her, which made her a prime target for the abuse she eventually suffered.
The sad part of Brenda’s story, however, is that she was raised just free enough to recognize abusive patriarchy for what it was, but not free enough to get the hell out.
Even in death, women are simply pawns of the patriarchy
Brenda Wright Lafferty’s family has a very different story to tell about the events surrounding her death than either the book or the series did. What they have quite rightly pointed out, however, is that even in death, Brenda is not even just a minor character in her own story but also just a tool being used by even more men to pursue their own ends.
Her death has simply been used by one faction of patriarchy to lash out at another. While many men want to point out the destruction of religious patriarchy, the truth is patriarchy exists both inside and outside of religious institutions and is equally destructive in any form. In an interview with the New York Times, show creator Dustin Lance Black had this to say:
“I’m not saying that [the LDS church] breeds exclusively dangerous men,” he said, “but there is something in teaching little boys that this patriarchal structure is God-ordained and lasts into the afterlife, and gives them that power over women. That can create dangerous men, if you blur the lines between selfish desire and the voice of God.”
“I don’t think most Mormons are violent; most are not, thank goodness,” Black said. “But I’m not talking about physical violence. I think if you’re participating in a patriarchal structure that harms women, you might not realize the violence you’re helping perpetrate.”
What’s interesting about this, however, is that although he recognizes this, even in his story, the main character is a man. Brenda’s story is just a vehicle for a man speaking out against patriarchy by focusing on the stories of men. Even in death, Brenda is still not the main character in her own story and yet is still speaking out against patriarchy. Although the intent of the non-religious patriarchy is to use her death to point a finger at religious patriarchy, the truth is patriarchy can’t expose patriarchy without exposing itself.
Just like all the stories men tell, it is generally the women they refuse to see, the most minor characters in their stories, that tell the truest tale. UTBOH is not just an accurate picture of religious patriarchy, it paints an entirely accurate portrayal of patriarchy in any form for those that have eyes to see. What I perhaps find the saddest about UTBOH, however, is how many people applaud Andrew Garfield for his “masterful” performance without understanding that it is actually an incredible supporting cast of women that make this piece what it is. Which is just so very patriarchal.
That being said, I do feel I also have to praise Garfield for his work. While most men deny being a part of the patriarchy, there are actually very few that escape its reach. Although the rise in violent movies has made acting a much more “manly” profession, it has not always been so and Garfield has not seen fit to bulk himself up to play the more masculine roles. At the end of the day, even actors can only step so far outside of their own worldview to play the characters they portray. I would argue that Garfield’s ability to show patriarchy for what it is can only come from an actor that is himself outside of patriarchy.
What I do love about UTBOH, however, is that I think the actors understand what even the writers and directors do not. It is the actor’s very textured performances (particularly those of the women) that masterfully expose the lies of patriarchy, right under the very noses of the patriarchs controlling the story.
The reason the patriarchy is so angry is because of just how close to home that picture actually hits. On some level, they too see the truth for what it is and don’t like what it says about them. They much prefer the fake images and facades of perfection they create for themselves, than this very uncomfortable glimpse behind their masks.
What’s also interesting about UTBOH, Mormonism and Patriarchy is that Emma Smith (Joseph Smith’s wife) went on to break with Brigham Young and found the Reorganized LDS church, which is now called the Community of Christ. What is interesting about CoC (although not surprising) is that their most senior leadership includes both woman and People of Color. Which, I would argue, is the key difference between patriarchal cultures and those founded by women. It’s not about the religion, it’s about how patriarchal it is.
I am watching Under the Banner of Heaven and you have expressed it so very well. Thank you for your insight and for this blog.